


Introduction

by Beshrew_My_Very_Heart



Series: Kurtofsky 10 Years Celebration [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: E-mail, Epistolary, Kurtofsky10years, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beshrew_My_Very_Heart/pseuds/Beshrew_My_Very_Heart
Summary: In his freshman year, Kurt Hummel tried to start a GSA for McKinley. It crashed and burnt immediately, and all the flyers were removed. The account still remains active on his phone, out of a sense of misplaced guilt, but he had almost forgotten about it until the start of his Junior Year when he received an email.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/David Karofsky
Series: Kurtofsky 10 Years Celebration [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997590
Comments: 11
Kudos: 40
Collections: Kurtofsky Week - Ten Year Anniversary





	Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Day Three (11/4) - Original Plot  
> According to Ryan Murphy, Kurt was supposed to help a closeted jock and fall for him in the process (you know, “prom king and king”). Whether it be the PFFLAG or simply a bit more kindness, put them back on track!
> 
> Takes Place across the front half of Season 2.

**_Hey_ **

**_Is anyone still reading this email address? I got it from a flyer a couple of years ago._ **

_ Hi, _

_ Thank you for your message. Unfortunately, the GSA at McKinley is currently inactive, but I still monitor the email for anybody in crisis. Is there anything I can help with?  _

_ Kurt. _

**_How do you know if you’re in crisis?_ **

  
  


_ Generally, if you have to ask, I’d say you could maybe do with a little help. Why do you think you might be in crisis? _

**_I’m a student at McKinley. I think I’m gay. You know how people treat gay kids at that school._ **

_ I do. It’s a terrible situation to be in. Do you have anyone to support you? A family member or a friend?  _

**_My mom’s family is pretty religious. I can’t tell my dad because he’d tell her. My friends wouldn’t be happy either._ **

_ That’s a tough situation to be in. But, you confessed it to me, even if I don’t know who you are, and that’s a really brave step. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve seen me at school, but there was a long time when I didn’t tell my dad either. You’re allowed to move at your own rate. _

**_I know who you are._ **

**_Sorry, this was dumb, I shouldn’t have emailed. I just... I’m scared, a lot of the time._ **

_ That’s okay too. You’re allowed to feel however you’re feeling. I’ve included a list to a bunch of different charities in this email you can call who deal with this kind of thing more often. I’ve made a note of the ones that are confidential and free, in case your parents check your phone.  _

**_I’m sorry. You’re being really nice, and I’m nothing but an asshole to you at school. Why would you want to help someone like me?_ **

_ I don’t know who you are, and unless you want to tell me, I’m not going to go digging. I know how lonely it can be, feeling like there’s no-one who understands what you’re going through. I got lucky and had some friends who were willing to stand by me through all of it. It sounds like you don’t think your friends would be supportive, and I don’t know them enough to say either way, but I’ll be your friend even anonymously and answer any questions I can. _

_ I’ll include my private email address at the bottom of this email, but we can talk on either address. I can do my best to answer any questions you have, to share my own experiences about which teachers are gay friendly and who isn’t, or even just listen when you talk about your day. You don’t have to do this alone.  _

  
  


**_Is there anything good to being gay?_ **

_ I don’t think there’s anything good or bad to being gay. It’s just what I am. The main issue is often other people disagreeing with that.  _

**_Is there a trick to being gay? Like... something you do or don’t do? Am I supposed to dress like you? Sing and Dance?_ **

_ No. I dress like this because I look fantastic, but you can be just as gay in jeans and a t-shirt. You don’t have to be a performer. You don’t have to do anything. _

**_Except date guys, right?_ **

_ Even if you’re not actively dating a guy, you can still be gay. There’s no prerequisites. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I am sure that I am gay. _

**_But how do you know? Maybe you’re just confused._ **

_ I’m often confused, just not about that. I know I’m gay because when I dream about my happiest future, I see a night where I don’t have rehearsals, and my husband doesn’t have work either. We’re trying to get ready to go out. A close family friend has the kids for the night, and my husband is going to take me out dancing. We’re out until midnight, and we come home to find the kids curled up in our bed, but we all squeeze in, and it’s just... a room full of love and happiness and everything good. _

**_Sounds like a good dream. Maybe I’m just a pervert. A lot of my dreams are about... doing stuff with guys._ **

_ I have those dreams too. We’re teenagers. I don’t think we get any say in what kind of dreams we have whilst asleep. _

**_I just feel like... I should be in love with a guy before I decide I’m gay. You were in love with Hudson._ **

_ I was pretty sure I was gay before Finn Hudson came into the picture. But some people don’t realise until someone comes into the picture that changes their point of view. Both of those are fine and normal. _

**_I guess the reason I was thinking about it is that I liked one guy, but I thought it was cause he’s pretty girly right? But there’s this new guy, and... I don’t like him like a person, I just like...how he looks? Like, I find myself checking him out a lot, without realising._ **

_ It sounds to me like you’re attracted to him. And that’s okay. I think I know who you’re talking about and he is cute. He’s a football player, right?  _

**_Yeah. Sam Evans. I guess I'm just one of those predator guys._ **

_ You’re allowed to think guys are attractive, even if they might not be attracted to you. I bet none of your friends ever give a second thought before objectifying the Cheerios. I can say with absolute certainty that Noah Puckerman has never paused to consider if a girl is interested before deciding he likes her. _

**_I guess. It’s weird to talk to someone about it, even if you don’t know who I am. Like, I’ve thought it before but I felt like if I ever let it out, my friends would throw a fit._ **

_ Honestly, my male friends would likely get uncomfortable too. Probably not Puckerman, but the rest. I’m lucky to have made a lot of girl friends to gossip about guys with.  _

**_I don’t like girl stuff. I’m not into fashion or any of that stuff._ **

_ What do you like? _

**_Sports is the easy answer, but if I’m being totally honest, I like Math. I don’t tell my friends that either. I guess I feel like I have to fit a very narrow idea of who I am to keep my friends._ **

_ I hope this doesn’t sound too awful, but... perhaps you need new friends. You should be able to be whoever you want to be, and have people who support you. For me, that’s the Glee Club, despite their many faults. I’m happy to be your ally, but it’s okay to seek out other people too. _

**_Yeah. You’re easier to talk to over the internet._ **

_ As opposed to at school? Have we spoken before? _

**_I thought you said you wouldn’t try to work out who I was. :P_ **

_ You’re right. That wasn’t a fair question. I shouldn’t try to work out who you are, even if I’m curious. _

**_It’s okay. I just worry that if you knew who I was you’d abandon me too._ **

_ I don’t think I would. Even if you’re the worst person in the whole school, you deserve to feel safe at a bare minimum. _

**_I guess..._ **

**_I mean, I like how my life is now. Nobody dares say anything about me. Nobody would ever think I was gay. I have friends I play video games with, and I play sports and go to parties. I’m an asshole, and I wish I wasn’t, but it keeps people from getting close._ **

_ You don’t have to stop playing sports and video games to be gay. I think everyone should stop being terrible to everyone else, but my attempts towards writing a musical that prompts world peace have so far not born fruit. You don’t have to change your life, but...it’s easier to be happier with yourself if you accept all the pieces of yourself. _

**_Who made you some font of gay wisdom?_ **

_ You, kind of. When you sent the first email. _

**_I really jealous of you sometimes when_ **

**_I didn’t mean to send that._ **

_ Well, that’s the wonder of email, I suppose. You can usually delete the things you don’t want to say, if you don’t hit the enter key too quickly. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. But... maybe it’d help to talk about it. _

**_I get jealous of you sometimes, because you’re like... the perfect gay guy. You get all the fashion stuff, and you’re pretty, and you were a cheerleader for a while. You’re smart, and like... the funny kind of an asshole. Like, sassy? And you’re gonna be like... a big shot singer._ **

_ That’s really kind of you to say, but I don't feel like that a lot of the time. I know I'm hilarious but it's hard to tell if my jokes will land or if people will just look at me like they're hearing a laugh track but not seeing the joke. I can definitely be a bitch. No-one else remember the cheerleading, or appreciates my fashion. I'm too feminine for the guys to be my friend, but I'm not a woman. _

**_I don't know what to say._ **

_ I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be helping you. I guess it's just different having another gay teenager to talk to. Makes it easier for me to say things under the guise of anonymity. _

**_I don't know if it's a gay thing, but... I've always felt like my body is too big for me. And now that I'm thinking about this gay stuff, I'm worried that none of it matters because no-one could ever love someone who looks like me._ **

_ I don't know what you look like. But I believe you fall in lust with how a person looks, but you fall in love with their actions and their spirit. Of course I'm a hopeless romantic who believes you can get all that with one look, but, I don't think your appearance precludes you from it either. _

**_Maybe my spirit is pretty ugly too. Or my actions, but my actions come from my spirit._ **

_ I think if you're looking at your 'spirit' and thinking it's ugly, what's really happening is your spirit is looking at your actions and feeling disapproval. People with ugly spirits don't tend to know they have ugly spirits. _

**_Isn't it the same difference?_ **

_ No. You can change your actions. That's always an option. If things aren't working try something new. _

**_It's just that simple?_ **

_ Nothing is simple in life, I'm sorry to say. _

**_There you go with that wise stuff again._ **

**_I don't even know what thread to pick at first. I feel like if I pull one, the whole thing comes crashing down. If I stop bullying people, the guys will want to know why. If I talk about the math stuff, I start getting bullied and I don't know if I would be able to hide my reaction if they suggested I was gay. If I tell anyone else, even privately, then they might notice something. Honestly, I didn't realise it'd be you on the other end of the email. I thought it'd be Pillsbury or Shuester or some other well meaning asshole._ **

_ You feel more comfortable talking to a teacher? _

**_If I know they're not a homophobe. I know there's all kinds of laws to stop them talking about this stuff with other people._ **

_ Then, and I'm definitely not saying you shouldn't keep talking to me, but what about talking to Coach Bieste? She's terrifying, sure, but she has a strong sense of right and wrong. She wouldn't out you, and it would mean you have someone on your side for if you ever feel ready to start picking at threads. Because sometimes, the threads fray on their own, even if you're not trying to pick at them. _

**_Hey, so I took your advice and told Coach Bieste, and... the world didn't end. She didn't say any bullshit about always having known, but she also didn't act all surprised either. She just let me find my own way of telling her, talked about her own experiences, and like... asked what I needed. She didn't treat me like I was delicate and I was going to break._ **

**_I guess what I'm saying is, thank you. For your advice. For listening._ **

_ I'm always here. I'm glad Coach Bieste lived up to my expectations of her. At the start of the year, she asked me if I was going to try out to be a kicker again, despite... everything about me. I explained that I didn't really care about the sport, and when I realised how much of a bitch I sounded, I told her why I tried out originally. _

**_To be close to Hudson._ **

_ No. I hadn't told my dad I was gay, and he caught me doing a performance with two of my girl friends in a leotard. The lie we were telling spun out of control until Brittany told him I was the kicker on the football team. He wanted tickets, so I had to make it happen. _

**_I guess I never thought about you being in the closet. I mean, I've always known you were gay._ **

_ You've always suspected I was gay. I guess I never had to come out to the school really, but it wasn't until after that first game that I told my dad. He said he'd always known too, but I don't think my obsession with shoes is any proof that I wanted Taylor Lautner to pick me up for my middle school dance. _

**_Is it awful to say that I'm glad I'm not the only one scared about telling my parents._ **

**_Also, Joseph Gordon-Levitt for me._ **

_ A man of good taste. I'm assuming we're talking circa Ten Things I hate about you?  _

**_Yeah, my mom was always into those John Hughes movies. Breakfast Club, 16 Candles, all that stuff._ **

_ I like those movies too. I’ve watched most of them I think. I liked the Breakfast Club a lot. _

**_I kinda thought it was pretty simplistic. Like, sure, they can all be different people in detention, but like... in the real world, that’s not going to fly. You think Bender’s gonna be happy sitting at a table with Claire’s friends? You think Andrew’s gonna stand up for Brian when they try and throw him in the trash?_ **

_ We don’t see a lot of Claire’s friends, but I bet in time they’d learn to enjoy how smart and funny Bender’s jokes are. Or they don’t have to sit with Claire’s friends. They can hang out at another table. And I think that now that Andrew sees Brian as a person and not a nerd, it’ll be harder for him to let other people bully him. _

**_Pretty optimistic view of everything. Andrew might be scared that if he stands up to his friends, that he’s gonna end up in the trash alongside Brian. Or he’s gonna get pinned to a locker so two other assholes can write loser on his head, or they’ll rip his letterman jacket in half- you get the point._ **

_ You know that I’m aware all of those things happened to Finn, right? I also know that you are not Finn because he has no understanding of computer security. He would have definitely used his own email.  _

**_It’s stuff I’ve seen. Assholes prey on weakness, and caring for another person is weakness._ **

_ That sounds very lonely. In Glee Club, it can be exhausting supporting one another, but on the other hand, you know that you have ten or eleven people behind you, ready to support you.  _

**_I heard Evans joined. You were going to sing a duet with him and then you didn’t._ **

_ I’m not immune to the pressure of society either. Someone explained to me that having him being seen singing with me would have put tantamount to social suicide. _

**_It would have been. For him, I mean. I bet there’d have been some asshole ready to jump down his throat in a moment._ **

_ I know that. I just wish I could meet a guy at school who wasn’t ashamed of me. _

**_I’m not a big singer, but I’d love to dance with a guy at a school dance. But I know I’d be too scared, and I’m ashamed of myself for being that scared._ **

_ You don’t have to be ashamed. I know how terrifying it can be to make yourself vulnerable like that. Anyway, let’s just say that if you are on the football team with Sam, I’m very jealous. I freed him from his obligations whilst he was in the shower, and he was very attractive. But as it stands, I doubt I’ll ever get chance to spend time with him again without Quinn Fabray lurking over his shoulder. _

**_That’s the worst bit! How am I supposed to get a guy's attention, when there’s people like Quinn Fabray, and Santana Lopez looming around the halls? They’re hot, and I’m just... I’m not._ **

_ Arguably, the kind of man who would be attracted to you is not going to be attracted to Quinn and Santana. They’re going to be attracted to men.  _

**_Alright, then how am I suppose to get a guy, when gay guys are attracted to people like Finn and Sam?_ **

_ You’re a sportsball player. I imagine you have your own masculine charms. Broad shoulders and chiselled jawline and all of that aesthetic. But even if you didn't, not every gay guy likes the same thing, the same as every straight guy likes different girls. _

**_You imagine what I look like?_ **

_ Yes. Not in a creepy way, I just can’t help the curiosity that comes up when I get your emails at school. And since the major source of my bullying has gone quiet, I have a lot more free time to be curious.  _

**_Is it easier, with just one guy not getting involved?_ **

_ Honestly? Yes. I still get some bullying more generally, but about the same as the rest of the Glee Club. Karofsky always used to target me specifically. It felt personal, you know? _

* * *

_ I haven’t heard back from you for a week or two, and I got a little concerned, but since nobody has been missing for those days, I’m going to assume you’re not too injured or dead. I’m still here if you want to talk, though it might take me a little time to reply. I’m in the school production of Rocky Horror.  _

**_My parents are getting a divorce. I told my dad everything, and just like I expected, he told my mom everything. She wanted me to get ‘help’ from her church. My dad took my side, and now she’s going out of town to visit her cousin and I don’t think she’s planning on coming back._ **

_ I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I am here, no matter what, okay? I’ve given a copy of my phone number to Coach Bieste to give to you, and you can ring me or text me if you ever can’t get to your emails.  _

**_I probably won’t use it, but thanks for offering. I guess... it’s exactly what I expected from my mom, so I should just see the positive that my dad is on my side. But instead, I feel guilty, like my choices have ripped apart their marriage._ **

_ I don’t know. If your dad took your side like that, maybe this was the kind of ideological difference that would’ve torn them apart whether it happened last week, or in four years. I wish you could’ve come to see Rocky Horror before it got shut down. There was a very inappropriate amount of male skin on display, not mine thank Gaga.  _

**_Were you genuinely concerned about me for that entire week?_ **

_ Of course I was. I know I don’t know who you are, but I consider you a friend.  _

**_You’re right. You don’t know who I am. How could you consider me a friend? I could be a monster._ **

_ Monsters can surprise you. David Karofsky stopped a football player from slamming me into a locker today. I don’t know what made him change, but it’s a vast improvement. _

**_Maybe it was you?_ **

_ I doubt there is anything I could say that would make David Karofsky change his mind about me. But I’ll accept not being thrown into lockers. _

_ I don’t think we can keep talking.  _

**_Why not? Did I do something wrong?_ **

_ Because, and I’m so sorry, but I know who you are. I mentioned what you said to Puck, about changing because of me. And Puck said that it was more likely that the change was because Mr. and Mrs. Karofsky had a real bad split. He heard it from one of Mrs. Karofsky’s friends whilst he was cleaning her pool. I’ve put the pieces together, and I promised I wouldn’t do that. _

**_So you know who I am. And you can’t deal with being friends with me._ **

_ That’s not it at all, David. You spoke to me because it was anonymous, so you could work through these things without any kind of judgement, or emotional baggage on my end. I don’t think I can be an impartial sounding board knowing who you are, because... how am I supposed to let you know how proud I am of all the steps you’ve taken when I have to look you in the eyes in the hallway? How do I reconcile the Karofsky who bullied me, with the random email address that likes the Breakfast Club, and joked about Sam with me?  _

**_I mean, my point was that I didn’t like the Breakfast Club, but I get your point. You can’t be my friend._ **

_ I would try to be your friend, if that was what you wanted. Is that really what you want, David?  _

**_No, but it’s the best I can get._ **

_ What does that even mean? _

**_Look... I can’t do this by email. The guys locker room, can we meet there? So I can explain? You can bring Hudson or Puckerman or whoever you want if you need to feel safe._ **

_ I’m not going to bring anyone. I’m not going to out you. I’ll meet you there at lunch, and then I agreed to go spy on this other show choir for Puckerman.  _

_ I...realised I didn’t actually say it before we got interrupted, but... yes. I would like that too. Maybe I could come over tonight, and we could... talk about what happened, and maybe finish what we started. Watch some coming-of-age movies and pop some popcorn? _

**_I’d like that, Kurt. I’d like that a lot._ **

**Author's Note:**

> This was a departure from my usual style of writing, so... hopefully you enjoyed?


End file.
